Turkey Day…

To me, it’s better than Christmas.

Simply put: I am thankful for all the wonderful people God and the Universe has brought into my life. Even the bad ones- because they not only give me examples of who I wish to avoid and who I wish to never be, but they make the wonderful people I know look that much better.

I concentrate a lot on the negative- and even though I wish my life was better, at the very least God has given me the abilities to make it better. There are people out there who will always be as they are, where they are. That won’t be me- so again, I am thankful. I will try to continue to take stock of the good things in my life, so that I’m not a negative thinker for the rest of my life.

My message to those out there: Be thankful, be grateful, appreciate the people in your life who love you. Truly love you. People who have your back, who will ride or die, or who will simply listen to you whenever you have a problem. Count your blessings that there are people who look at you without judgement, without hatred or jealousy. Appreciate that you can smile and laugh. That you can walk down the street enjoying a cup of coffee. Simple things matter. The simple things people bring into your life matter.

Now, go forth and hug or some other sentimental thing. Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone.

Employee Unappreciation Day…

Really it’s more than just a day. It’s a week, a month, the whole year. In my case, 4 years.

I don’t want to seem like I am an ungrateful wretch- when I needed a job I was taken on as a permanent employee. I began at my current employer as a long-term temp. Long term temps can work anytime from 2 months to a year at a place. They originally told me that I would only be needed for 12 weeks. I jumped at the chance- that was 3 months of pay, and I was almost out of money from my last temp position. After the 12 weeks, they offered me the job full-time. They had decided I was a better receptionist than the girl who was on maternity leave- and they decided to give her another position so that they could keep me. I was elated. I was going to rock out with my cock out on this job…

Before I continue, I’d like to take a minute to list some of my credentials:

I have  a Bachelor’s Degree in English Literature. I have been doing assistant work since my Sophomore year in College. I was a data manager, file manager, office coordinator, and did part-time preliminary screenings for Medicaid, FHP and PCAP (Medicaid for pregnant women). I have taught myself how to use Microsoft Office which includes mastery of WORD, EXCEL, POWERPOINT.  I have experience with Access (one of the databases I managed was formatted in this program). I have editing/proofreading experience. I have coordinated calendars and meetings. I know how to take minutes. I type over 70 words a minute on a bad day. I’ve always reported to executive/upper management. The list goes on…

THAT is the employee they hired. If you ask me, they lucked out because  the pay is now: $29,500/year. I started out 4 years ago at $28,000. I am definitely worth more money. They got me at a discounted rate due to my needing a job.  I am clearly overqualified for this position of receptionist. I was over qualified then- which HR knew and expressed to me. They also expressed worry that I would only be with them for a year. They continued to ask me if I planned on staying for more than 6 months.  I guess 4 years later, they don’t care about retaining me as an employee. I have asked for a raise, and have been denied. I do a lot more than just answer the phones and meet and greet people. I type letters, I set up printers and cell phones, I make travel arrangements. I schedule meetings, I take care of our office supplies inventory. I edit marketing material for our branches and executive office. I take care of outgoing and incoming pkgs despite us having a mailclerk who makes $15,000 more than I do. I am, in fact,  the backup mailclerk, the back up executive secretary to the CEO/Chairman/CFO. I also do whatever other miscellaneous assignments come up. I am available to everyone. I am not allowed to turn down an assignment from anyone. Every single SVP, VP, Manager of this company (including our check cashing branch CashZone) is allowed to call/email/verbally request that I perform a function. But none of this warrants a raise.

I have never asked for a single dime more than what was offered me, in the 4 years that I’ve been employed here. I have quietly and efficiently done whatever has been laid in my path to do. But according to HR I’m not aggressive enough in finding work assignments. I am not creative enough in figuring out what other responsibilities I can take on. Thus, again, I do not deserve a raise. The nature of my position doesn’t warrant more pay as there isn’t work for me to do- I would agree with this if all I did was answer the phone and screen/transfer calls. Clearly it is not. They would like me to now take over some responsibilities of a coworker who is out on medical leave. I will not be compensated for this. It is considered part of my original work duties, and part of what I’m supposed to be doing to deserve the salary I now have.

A word to anyone in a similar position: you deserve more. If the people you’ve been slaving for won’t give it to you, find those who will. And don’t feel badly about it.  I will take great pleasure in handing HR my resignation letter. I will take even greater pleasure in disclosing how much more money I will be making for all  of my non-aggressive, uncreative work.

#deuces

I’m too important for small talk…

Not really, I just like writing inflammatory statements that make me sound like an arrogant feck. I’m not arrogant at all, but what I am is a bitch. Not necessarily because I’m actually mean, but because other people perceive me that way. I don’t do what they want or expect, and out pops the infamous B-word. I’ve been called the C-word too. I can’t count how many times the A-word’s passed someone else’s lips at my direction…but I digress. Today’s blog is about chatting with people you couldn’t give two craps about…

A friend of mine (a veteran member of Team Blew)  was having a busy afternoon, on her way to drop her lil nugget off at a playdate. She happened to run into someone she knew in middle school. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume they weren’t really friends back then, but regardless my buddy was clearly busy rushing off. Well Ms Mid-School assumed she’d get a nice little chat session about love, life and town gossip but main non. Beccs flew by and gave a wave and according to her account, the girl seemed shocked.  Now…I’m pretty sure Beccs has always been very outspoken and brash, even as a child. I’ve heard a few stories. By her young adolescent years, she was in her stride as a sarcastic b-word (as was I, come to think of it) and I’m certain this girl remembers this. Why she assumed someone would stop to speak with her when it was CLEAR it wasn’t the time is something that will always baffle the both of us…here’s my question: is it ok to totally blow off someone you haven’t seen for a long time? should you stop to chat in order to be polite?

My answer is: It’s totally okay to blow them off. Becca was at least nice enough to wave. You know what I do when I run into someone from middle school? Look them dead in the face, shake my head and say loudly “don’t come over here”.  If they choose to ignore this, and still continue to speak to me, usually the conversation goes as follows: “Hey, omg, Gail. It’s me —-. Do you remember me?”  Yep I sure do. No offense, but I don’t really want to talk to you. This statement is usually followed by my walking away.  There is no unwritten/written law of the universe that states you MUST speak to someone just because you knew them once upon a time, especially if you’re not interested in speaking to them. Now, if you’d like to go over and say “hi” that’s something different. But if you really don’t want to? Wave and keep it moving. The people who matter to you are already in your life, so who cares if a practical stranger now thinks you’re rude?

Exactly.

*puts soap box back in the closet*

No, I don’t have the Apt yet but…

Good morning everyone! First let me give a shout out to all my friends who will make this upcoming event a success…

My game plan:

Although I haven’t found the apartment yet, I’d like to post my registries. This will give people more time to set aside money for my gifts, or to purchase the items while on sale. I predict I won’t be moving anywhere until after the year rolls over, which is why the date is set for 3/3/2012.

I will be storing said items in my bedroom where I currently reside,  until I move out. Don’t worry though, I still plan to throw a party: as an appreciation of all my friends who love me and were generous enough to purchase the ridiculous items I have listed. Some of you are definitely going to be shaking your heads, and I suspect there will be a lot of “now this bitch here”, mutterings. I welcome them- as long as you purchase the items I want (LOL)- but I’m serious.

I love you all very much, and thank you in advance for whatever you manage to get me.

c’est le vie!

Registries:

http://www.target.com/wedd/registry/MFJ6IIxcRmtdPTKEqtwdoA via @Target

http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/regGiftRegistry.asp?wrn=%2D1018980605&

Grown up or grown punk?

At what point does one stop doing all the crazy ish of their youth, and what does that mean for their Thug-Life reputation? I found myself wondering that this morning, as I dragged myself out of bed off of only 3 hours of sleep.  What crazy things, and why am I thinking about this you all wonder..well let me tell you…

Last evening while hanging out with Team Blew, an altercation erupted. I’d like to state for the record that J.Berk was not the instigator of this altercation. A stranger came to ask us how he looked, and JB was honest and informed him that he looked old and had a jowl situation to take care of. Well, his feelings were very hurt and he called her a “mean motherfucker”.  After we agreed to his mean statement, and laughed hysterically- we assumed it was over. But mais non. He went over to his friends and talked shit about us for most of the night. I gotta give JB credit, she tried to keep quiet and focused on our evening until, the gentleman’s “girlfriend”, really beard, came over to us to call us Ugly. And to tell us that we weren’t really funny for calling her “boyfriend” a Fat Chandler from Friends or KD Lang’s twin sister. She also didn’t appreciate being called Linda Hogan or a washed up 1960s Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader who later turned to low-budget porn.  But what can you do but continue to laugh at these people? Unfortunately, laughter turned to shouts and disrespectful commentary. Linda Hogan told Kristian he was a gay Eddie Murphy (which we found hilarious even at the time) but she was standing a little too close to Kris…and here is where the grown up or grown punk question emerges…

In my mind’s eye and also physically I was preparing myself to punch this woman in the face. The moment I saw her move next to Kristian and heard her comment, although funny- I felt that familiar twang I used to feel whenever I was 30 seconds away from knocking a bitch/dude out.  Before I could come to a final decision, JB wedged herself between them and goes “You need to back the fuck up”…and then my decision was made. I chose to be a defuser, and NOT an instigator of the situation- because it was at that exact moment JB launched herself at Linda Hogan.  At the time, I wasn’t questioning myself. I held JB back, we paid our bill and we decided to go outside. JB then told LH to step outside to get fucked up. She threw down her bag,  took off her coat, and tossed her hair back…she was ready to rock. However, Linda wasn’t and stayed safely inside the establishment. As we finally walked away from the place, I asked myself should I have just punched that chick? I’m not, by nature, a peace maker.  I always want to fight someone.  Although a small part of me was proud for not adding gasoline to the flames, the other 90% of me wanted to turn around and go find missy ma’am and rearrange her face….and I’m stuck wondering: Did I make the right choice? (Carrie Bradshaw voice)*

Ok, that’s not true. I know I made the right choice. It’s just not the choice I’m happy about making. Once upon a time, that fight wouldn’t have had an opportunity to escalate because I’d have already been pounding the pavement with that lady’s face. I’d have been dragged off of her by several persons, and told never to come back to the place. I’d have waited for her outside and beat her bloody with her own purse for making me that mad. It would have been totally satisfying and I would have gloated about it.  At 29, and although it doesn’t leave me with that same sense of deep satisfaction;  I walk away from a lot of situations and things. Am I still angry that angry crazy girl? Partly yes. It just takes a lot longer and for a more extreme situation to arise for me to go Postal. Now I can let someone talk shit from the other end of the bar. I don’t care if someone calls me names, or wants to yell and scream. I can laugh at them and walk away shaking my head at their absurdity.  I’m not at all sure when this happened. Or even HOW. It’s not as if some major event turned my life around- I suspect I woke up one day just no longer giving a fuck.

Unless of course I feel a flicker of a finger or even see a move I think means you’re going to strike me, or one of my loved ones- then it’s on like donkey kong, and you better pray the cops come before I break you.

Thoughts? Opinions? Hilarious reenactment ideas? All are welcome.

 

You have rights, use them.

No, this isn’t about voting. This is about Women’s Rights. More importantly, about sexual freedom.

When I say sexual freedom, I don’t just mean the ability or right to go out and hump whoever you want. I’m referring to, for the purposes of this blog, the right to say NO. The right to let a man know that you aren’t interested in him sexually and that you do not appreciate his aggressive nature when it comes to that sort of thing. We as women, do not have to settle for men placing us into a sex-slave glass box. We have minds that go along with these bodies and it would be nice if we are always seen as more than our genitals. Unfortunately, there are men out there who don’t care about what progress we’ve made as social/human beings. They see a woman, they see pussy written in Vegas strip lights. They feel they have a right to that pussy. And if that pussy doesn’t want to give it up willingly, it’s perfectly acceptable to take it. Some of the men who believe this way, behave this way are in positions of power. But even then, Ladies- you don’t have to take that bullshit.

I’m reading this article about this woman, Sharon Bialek, who has become another accuser of Herman Cain. I’m not here to say if she is speaking the truth. I always believe a woman’s cry of rape/molestation/assault is true until otherwise proven false but that’s not my call to make in this situation. I’m disturbed by the idea that this woman went to this man for help in finding employment, and he used his position to try to coerce her into a sexual act. The implications were that if she did not perform a sexual act, he would not help her. I am even more disturbed at her response to this incident – not the coming forward so late, but how she claims to have reacted at the time.  All she said to him was “What are you doing? You know I have a boyfriend.” – after he allegedly put his hands up her skirt near her genitals, and tried to force her head towards his crotch.  I wasn’t there, so I can’t say what was the more appropriate way to diffuse the situation- I’m glad that she didn’t go through with it, and I’m glad that she said anything at all. But I’d have prefered a fist to his face, or  a scream or something a bit scary (for him). Again, I wasn’t there, but I realize that although she didn’t turn into a Samurai, she at least said something. There are a ton of women who don’t say anything . They remain silent and allow for these predators to make them into victims. ..

We are NOT victims. Someone may victimize you, and you sometimes can’t help what is done to you; that is a different story. Maybe you were out numbered, out powered, caught unaware- it happens to many of us. But you don’t have to let anyone get away with it. You don’t have to let someone CONTINUE to do it. When you get into your own head that there’s nothing you can do, that you have to let this person hurt or violate you; that’s when you become the victim. I’m not saying people have to turn into Gangsta super stars and shank a dude, but you fight back somehow. Whether that’s with your words, with your body, with a bat- whatever’s clever. The point is, you don’t lay down and take it.  More importantly you don’t HAVE to lay down and take it.

I walk the streets of this city, and I see young girls allowing for their male friends to man handle them, to bully them. It upsets me, because I think this is the start of dysfunctional behaviors as adults. When these girls are older, they are going to think they can’t tell on their friend when he sexually assaults them. These boys will think, its in fact not sexual assault because they’re friends. They will suffer no consequences, and when they are old enough to know its wrong it won’t matter because they’ve been getting away with it for so long, they will just continue on with this sexually aggressive/assaulting behavior.  I’m sure there was a girl a long time ago that should have punched Cain in the nads…

I’m about to jump off my podium in a second, but redundancy is sometimes important: Ladies, no matter who someone is , it’s not okay for them to violate you. If you don’t like something, if you are uncomfortable, if you are upset- you have every right to say/do something about it.  You are not Pussy-on-Legs or Poon-Made-To-Order – you have choices. You have rights. Don’t ever let anyone do whatever they want to you.

*On a more serious note, for those who have been victims of any kind of sexual assault be it rape or childhood molestation or a violent crime there are support groups/hotlines to be utilized if you need to report or speak to someone. Here is just some general info for those who need it, or are curious:

http://www.health.ny.gov/community/adults/women/violence/rape_crisis/index.htm

http://www.svfreenyc.org/resource_list_Hospital.html

 

I’ll holla…

I am notorious for trying to date my co-workers. I believe that you can and should find love wherever you go.  I, and everyone else, spends so much time at work that you can’t help but to form bonds with some of your fellow employees. Spending 8 hours a day, 5 days a week with a person can really give you an insight into how they function as human beings, and once you get that invite to hang outside of the work place you get an even clearer view. Sometimes, I like this view. Sometimes I like it a lot more than I ought, and I try to get in there like swimwear.

But I always follow a protocol. I always keep it casual until the other person lets me know or gives me an indication that they would like to hang out away from work. Be it happy hour, dinner, lunch, a show- whatever. After we’ve done that a few times, I make my move. But by then, it’s fine because a rapport has been established and the gentleman or woman in question won’t be offended or turned off because we’re “FRIENDS”.  It’s all about tricking people into being comfortable with me. I think more people should implement this method. Because then you won’t seem creepy or weird, and then get reported to HR (just so you all know, I have never been written up or reported for sexual harassment. This may have something to do with being a woman, and people not believing its sexual harassment coming from a woman. But I’m going to say it’s really because my Holla-While-You-Work method works like olympic gold).

I received an e-mail today from a man I just discovered worked for our bank. He’s stationed at one of our outside branches, and he’d come in last week to take care of some HR stuff. We did not exchange pleasantries, except for me to ask him who he was there to visit. He did say hello to McDouche, which is how I realized he was an employee- but may I repeat WE didn’t exchange more than a few professional words. This e-mail he sent to me was from his personal e-mail and not his work address. And it was an invitation to join a live profile group. I found this not only weird but off-putting. And responded with a “Um…what?” I’ve yet to receive a response. Perhaps he realized he’d made an error in judgement…I hope so.

The lesson learned: you shouldn’t send random emails to people you’ve never had a conversation with, because you look like a sleazy stalker. Which, in general, is a fine thing to be but not when you have to work with a person…

Thoughts?

Although we’ve come…to the end of the road…

still I can’t let go…it’s unnatural. You belong to me, I belong to you….

Some of you are singing this right now. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I, in fact still love this song dearly and routinely listen to Wanya’s overly emotive crooning and Mike’s deep as a river base just to make me feel in touch with my soul. What IS wrong ? Singing this about your ex. Right now, as we speak. This began playing in your head, and the images of the two of you running through a field of Bollywood flowers has compelled you to stalk his Facebook/Twitter/MySpace/Mi Gente…Please stop it. Immediately. You are fucking up this entire song for the rest of us. Please keep in mind, that when this song was written the relationship being referenced was over. And continued to be so. Thus the song. It’s a reminiscing yes- but I highly doubt the Philly Quartet showed up at Shawty’s house serenading her with this ish- because that would be crazy. Your continued essential stalking of your ex is also crazy…

I’m bringing this up because I’ve noticed a disturbing trend in America’s adult population that upsets me profoundly: Silent Stalking Syndrome. Don’t believe the hype folks- this shit isn’t just for love-sick teenagers. This is for love-sick adults who haven’t grown past the emotional capacity of a teenager. If you are over the age of 23, I fully expect you to have the ability to emotionally/mentally move on from a terminated relationship. I’m not saying it’s easy- not at all. No one knows how deep your emotions run but at some point you have to breathe, shake, let it go…You aren’t supposed to pretend to move on and then follow everything your ex is doing. Oh..I’m sorry you caught that operative word? Pretend? Yes. Because that’s what you are doing. Pretending like you’ve stopped giving a fuck and yet you STILL know whats going on in their lives- not because an old mutual friend ran into you and told you. No, because you found that shit out for yourself with your incognito ninja stalk magic..

For the record…this is sad. No matter the circumstances related to the event of the breakup- this is pathetic. Even if this person was the very love of your life and you fucked it up royally, you still owe it to yourself and mostly your pride to move forward and try not to make the same mistakes twice. But this is somewhat understandable, and most of us will forgive this. But if whoever you were with was a complete and utter shit to you- wtf are you missing exactly? Are you hoping that you’ll see something horrible and thus vindicate to yourself and others what a horrible feck you’ve managed to dodge? Ok. Awesome. But you already know they’re horrible. You don’t need proof.

But before anyone jumps down my throat- I never stalked an ex per-say, but every once in a while I would get curious about what my ex almost fiancée was up to. I never acted out on it really, except one day I decided to Google him..and found out some things that infuriated me, upset me, made me cry and made me feel a host of other emotions I refuse to write in this blog out of embarrassment. That was the last day I looked that asshole up. Mostly because I never wanted to upset myself like that again- and the smaller part of me was pissed at myself- because I KNEW that this dude was out living his life and not even bothering to think about me let alone Google my ass.

Ladies & Gents- I’m going to let you in on a little secret: If YOU are the one doing the stalking, chances are The Target doesn’t give a shit about you or your life. And you look like a fool following them around trying to find out snippets of info. It would be much better for you and everyone involved, if you just found a life that didn’t revolve around that person. Keeping up with the Assholes only serves THEM. They get to talk about how you’re still on their jock strap or licking the clit. Why would you want ANYONE to be able to say that about you? I can honestly say, that whenever I’ve cut a person from my life emotionally and sometimes physically (and literally) I’ve felt the better for it. When you have murky emotional waters to wade through with another person, it really is best to walk away for a while. Maybe even forever. Stop looking like a lonely loser who can’t get over it. Better yet, stop acting like a child who can’t process or work through their more complex feelings. And think about the fact that you’d be a happier person, and have less drama in your world if you stopped creating negative situations for yourself.

Rant Over. This was brought to you by the letter K.
*kicks soap box*

The Measure of A Woman

I’m wondering when Women’s Lib went so terribly wrong. What has me wondering this is Kim Kardashian’s wedding and 72 day dissolution. Before you get upset, I’m not here to talk about celebrities, or really about Kim. I’m here to talk about, what I feel, is her profound desire (really desperation) to be married. She’s not alone in this chase to the newest Vera* creation.  I find that a lot of women I come across still believe they have to be married and starting on at least their first child by the age of 30. In fact, some women think 30 may be too old. Especially if they’ve stopped their lives at 25 in preparation for the man who would come sweep them away and help them breathe again.  By stopping their lives, what do I mean? You know the ones: suddenly they can’t go to the club, can’t go to the bar, can’t hang out with their other single girlfriends unless men are going to be there, can’t progress in their career because their future husband may be transferred to another city, can’t travel, can’t do anything- so that in case THE MAN shows up she’s prepared to drop all in order to achieve her life’s goal: becoming a “Mrs”.  Or better yet, they’ve stopped living, hoping that the loser they’re currently dating pops the question…

But why am I using Kim K as an example, and what am I trying to say exactly? Kim is rich and beautiful. She’s worth 50 million a year, works her ass off to make sure she remains relevant in reality tv so that she can keep making that money. In collaboration with her 2 sisters, they have set the bar for what it means to be a ridiculously successful untalented celebrity. But perhaps I shouldn’t say untalented- being able to make serious bank without doing much of anything is a gift many of us wish we had.  In my personal opinion, she and women like her have a lot to be proud of- but for some reason she considerd herself a failure because she wasn’t married. And my response to this is : UGH!

It’s not entirely Kim’s fault though. Society teaches us, that in order to be a real woman and successful/happy in life we should be able to do everything Rosie the Riveter* could do while getting our Joan Cleaver* on. Before the 1950s, we just had to be wives and mothers. Now we have to be wives, mothers AND successful career women or we’re just not in the winner’s circle. But make no mistake -career woman or not,  the message society gives us is still Pre-50s: Become a “Mrs” and rename yourself “Mommy” otherwise all of your other endeavors are for naught. As a woman it is impossible for you to be satisfied and at peace if you are lacking a male counterpart. You must find him.  Immediately. Before you are too old. But then you have dudes like George Clooney. No one has ever harassed that rich handsome motherfocker to find a wife. He declared himself a perpetual bachelor, and none of us has blinked an eye. And he doesn’t seem to be worse for wear.

Am I alone in thinking that the measure of a woman’s success isn’t in how well she maintains a romantic relationship ? This isn’t a knock-down to those who are mothers or wives, but if I have 3 degrees; run my own business and am in the 1% club- why can’t I be proud of just that? Why isn’t it okay to wave my single & motherless flag high?

In the year 1558, being without a husband Queen Elizabeth the 1st was coronated as the Queen of England. She remained unmarried for her 45 year reign. She inherited a country that was bankrupt, in the midst of religious angst, and was on the verge of war with 2 other major empires. She not only fixed the country’s finances, she kicked everyone’s asses into submission. Mary Queen of Scots tried to claim the throne, Liz swagger jacked her. Again, unwed and without producing a biological heir of her own. Her reign was and still is considered one of the golden ages of England. Books are written about her. Movies are made about her. If it was good enough for Lizzie. It’s good enough for me.

*hops off soap box*